Malia Obama Lists Barack Obama and Michael Robbins as her Parents on Grad School Application

In what could be the most stunning admission yet that there’s something unnatural about the Obama family, Columbia University’s Admissions Department revealed that Malia Obama has applied for post-graduate studies, listing her parents as “Barack Obama and Michael Robbins.” The clerk at Columbia has since been fired and possible charges for invasion of privacy may be filed, but it’s too little too late. The information is out there.

There are two working theories making their way through research groups across Facebook and YouTube. Alsimondobub420 from Reddit first theorized that Michelle Obama is actually a man named Michael Robbins, or that she is — or was — still transitioning. The other theory, from a classified source we can’t reveal, believes Michael Robbins is Barack’s lover and always has been, and Michelle was just a stand-in.

All of the theories have been rated false by fact-checkers, whose opinion is that Michelle Obama is a woman and the girls are both hers and Barack’s, period. They state evidence like birth certificates, pictures of the couple with the girls as infants, and a positive DNA match from 7 different labs in 4 countries, none of which has been verified by this reporter or any verified citizen’s research.

It’s just more proof, patriots, that biases can be confirmed in the dumbest of ways, at will, in under 200 words. God bless America.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 76 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.